The Phosphenes of Her

I have endured, I have been brutally fallen apart and not a single piece to be fixed again! I have lost myself. When your heart is broken, you fancy nothing, no longerand stopped believing in “HAPPENING OF MIRACLES”. Just like usual days were passing by I was lazy but not depressed;with a fake smile made artificially to avoid those thousands of question marks…. ‘WHY’! Strangers would pass by me every day, yet I never glanced at anyone because from the time ‘SHE‘ had been in my life, I couldn’t bother looking to any random girl. “She was an illusion, a piece of magic, which seems to be invisible forever in my life“. One fine day,

Everything seemed the same as yesterday’s with normal days passing by same old songs in my playlist, the cold wind, the mood swings and the feel of emptiness with a 90’s song still playing and myself seating in the left side of a local bus, the volume at its maximum; following my usual daily routine. The weather also seemed calm and everything sighted fine. The bus occupied with normal passengers following their own routines and me just sitting away from the door with head leaning towards the window watching the passengers getting by. 
As the bus stopped near ‘NEW-BANESHWOR‘ on a bus-stop. I felt like I got a sight on someone; I saw a beautiful girl with a decent appearance, luscious lips, blue shirt with stripes (probably a college dress), tie gripped on her neck, a casual bag on her back and a pink watch which was totally matching along with her sweetness. I couldn’t resist myself from noticing her ; Wow, she had this gleam of perfection. 

As I opened the window to peek at her face which was totally covered by her long soft hair, I got a feeling as if I had been aspiring for this lady from long ago, and seeing her stand still waiting patiently to get into the bus I was thrilled by her decency. I was being very enthusiastic to see her face, opened the window, placed my head outside couple of times hoping to get at least a quick look at her face and in my every attempt she’d just look away as if I was being noticed staring at her insanely.

Just like in movies, I was hoping for ‘the lady‘ to notice me, thus I ended up opening the front camera trying to make my messed up hair even to look gentle for some instant of time, May be I felt shy to face her and even was too flabbergasted. ‘This lady’ had been the first stranger whom I couldn’t stop staring at; after ‘HER’. Finally, she got into the bus: my eyes were wide open leaving to pause the moment yet the song still playing in my ears, and stretch my neck towards the place where she stood still. Deep inside, somewhere within myself, I was hoping to have a look at her face. 

Suddenly, she looked towards my side of the bus that instant as if my feelings were heard….My iced heart melted as she looked towards me  giving me an eye contact with a serious look that gave me goosebumps and oh! how I could feel my face burning with the flames of her eyes, a rapid increase in my heart beat like I was running in a marathon for her one look and by that time, I realized I was actually blushing, But shehad already turned to other side. All the excitement and the craziness were overloaded by me. Thankfully no one had noticed that sudden changes in me except for myself. “I wish She Could See me through my eyes, for I bet my life, you won’t stop blushing”.

Unaware of the situation, she stood calmly away from me towards the door of the bus. I couldn’t resist myself from keeping my eyes away from her. A big thanks to that co-driver who asked her to move little further inside the bus, she slowly walked towards my side and I luckily caught a sight of her looks. Her eyes gleamed as the flames of fire, burning up my whole body in blush as she slowly came towards me. She was not less than an Angel and she stood just beside me, though there were almost 15 passengers in that bus all I could see was her and feel of her presence next to me.

As Everyone says, “A new chapter begins with the end of an old one”, deep down my heart I felt as if this was the new chapter that I was about to face after ‘her’. Having her by my side, with all the stupid imaginations and crazy dream, it took me to CLOUD9, and she was maintaining the same decent look as before. My mind was blank, my hands and legs were numb but my heart leaps up.More than half an hour passed She was standing by my side but with no expression to interact with each other. I was smiling in silence though looking at her not continuously, she had already caught me many times yet she remained as if she was unknown. Surprisingly our eyes had met several times within a short moment of time but, none of us knew our names but still the feeling of warmth remained there, I could feel its presence. In the verse of dilemma, she had to get off the bus. She stood up: but I was unable to face her, I looked down as she was slowly walking away. My heart was still racing and beating in a rage this time. The bus had stopped; I didn’t want her to get off the bus but I was speechless. She was walking slowly towards the bus door, and I was waiting to see her for a last moment and amusingly this time I caught her, as she was even looking towards me, I was thrilled. The look she had in her face was as if that was a “final Goodbye”. Indeed, it was. Only if the time had paused and not made us depart our ways. WE COULD HAVE MET OR MAYBE NEVER AGAIN.!!

Despite having no faith in BELIEFS, actually a miracle had happened to me that day. Sometimes, miracles happen just to make us realize that there are so many things to look at than just sitting alone as if it’s a Gloomy Sunday. I couldn’t forget her last look and from the moment ‘she‘ left me hanging on the same thought, “Will I see her again?” and that had made me realize HOPE IS A PASSION FOR POSSIBLE.
Some people appear to leave us broken while some appear to make us forget the pain we’re suffering. SHE was the same, a person who popped out of nowhere which made me realize that“HOPE IS A PASSION FOR POSSIBLE”

Sometimes we pass through a moment not to live in it but to experience and overcome the stupefaction we’ve been feeling within. and yes May be I will never get a chance to meet her again in my life. “She who lives in harmony with herself lives in harmony with the universe. “and made Phosphenes of my life.
Based on true story.
Story by:
Sagar Dahal
Word by:
Sanchita
Editors:
Mahima 
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