The Unexpressed Diary

Recently, She texted me that “Will you accept me after 2 years?“.
I was shocked with the text but was crowned with ecstasy of having her, finally into my life, I accepted her within that instant of time.
But eventually in that night, many thoughts came on my mind, “Isn’t she happy in the relation right now?? A deep thought came to my mind and I hated myself how can I accept her!! Yes, I did love her more than anyone but is it really worth it after 2 years and, I told her, if you won’t be with me in my lonely days, you won’t have any value being with me after 2 years.

With the scorching heat, the day was too boring for me until 12pm, the freshers entered their new home; University and went for the registration process. Being a senior, I was instructed to guide them for the registration procedures. New faces of students were quite different, some looked happy to be here in university and some looked like they were missing their families and friends already.

On a normal day, while attending the classes, I saw a beautiful girl; doe-eyed , elegant nose, saccharine lips, sun-kissed untamed hair, chubby smiling face, joyous personality and she looked gorgeous in a pink t-shirt with blue jeans. When people say there is love at first sight, there really was for me when I saw her. She was more then an angel and I felt some tingly sensation inside me. She was with Beena (Fresher) and I interacted with her. During the conversation, I came to know, her name was Aarati.
In the evening, I searched her on facebook and sent her request. Within couple of hours, she accepted and I was so excited to talk to Aarati and with no more further ado, I texted her “Hi” and the conversation began for some days and finally we decided to meet.

Finally today was the day, we decided to meet for the evening walk.
7:22pm
Outside hostel
I was too pleased to see her. It was the first time we are meeting , but in my heart I felt as if we have met before.We had a sweet conversation smiling, laughing. As the conversation turned more funny, then I asked ” Why Sharda??” and she replied “I saw Ad on TV and found it so fancy and decided to join it”, and I laughed for the innocent answer and the conversation went on. At the end she said “YOU ARE THE FIRST GUY I MET HERE IN SHARDA” and I felt like I was on the cloud 9.

As usual, we talked everyday, shared whole day activities and used to meet at the evening. Normal days were passing by, I got chance to get close to her best friend and even with her roommate. I was curious to know about her and slowly I knew about her past from her friends, they explained me how horrible past she had and even suggested me please don’t propose her; she had just recovered from the scars of love. The actual feeling inside me was out of my head, everyday we talked and met made me express my feelings towards her but I was scared, “Does she feel the same towards me??“. Finally, after 3 months, I couldn’t resist myself, so I collected my guts and proposed her, but it was my misfortune, she refused my proposal and requested me to be a good friend. After being rejected, I was in turbulence but still my heart had a hope of making her, mine.

We had a sweet and lovely friend circle and usually on the weekends, we used to spend a good time. She used to cook lunch for everyone, and believe me she was a brilliant cook after my mom. With many small moments that we cherished together my heart was anticipating more and more. I did express my love couple of times but, alas she refused me every time.
With that rejection in every moment,I got pissed off and the misunderstanding between us slowly raised and even it took us to the next phase and we stopped talking. I couldn’t resist without her and used to text her but she never replied. I had a thought “May be it was the end of my sweet imagination of spending the whole life with her”.

At the end of the 8th semester, I heard she is close to someone, someone who was precious in my life, and a lovely friend that everyone desires to have for a milestone. May be he was “THE DREAM BOY” that she was searching for. Actually I had introduced them with one another. While seeing them together was a tough time for me, I felt like I tried climbing every stairs of hope of getting her but when the reality struck I felt falling from the moon and there was no one to raise me up at that moment. I was totally lonely, depressed with my own life. Even I could not face any of my good friends and was invisible for some weeks, silent, lonely but still had a hope that she could come near to me and say “Hey Pagal (mad boy), I am ready to be with you forever and ever, Amen”. But it never happened, She never came back to my life.

I had many words to say, many feelings to express, many emotions to share, many dreams to live together, many moments to create, but everything stayed in my unexpressed diary.
PS:- Based on real story. Character names has been changed.